Bohn.
Ian Bohn.
No, he's not a new agent promoted to "Double O" status for Her Majesty's Secret Service.
He certainly isn't 008, a replacement for 007, James Bond.
Ian Bohn is the Yankees' starting leftfielder and cleanup hitter. Sorry New York fans, things like that happen when you set up a franchise on "The Show: MLB 10" for the Playstation3 and use a fantasy draft.
I am not sure what round Bohn was drafted in - I had control only over the drafting of my team, the Rangers - while the computer filled out the 75 selections for every other general manager, enough to stock each Major League team, along with its AAA and AA squads.
So that's how the Yankees ended up with Ian Bohn in their lineup after what have must been a strong spring training - and he wasn't bad over his first 10 games - hitting more than .300 with six RBI's when my Texas team came calling at the new Yankee Stadium.
But, ugh, Ian Bohn hitting cleanup, where the likes of Lou Gehrig, Bill Dickey, Joe Dimaggio, Yogi Berra, Mickey Mantle, Roger Maris, Reggie Jackson, Dave Winfield and Alex Rodriguez had all likely hit?
Even Robinson Cano has batted fourth for the Yanks.
I promptly dropped two of three to the Yanks, losing the first game 11-7. Bohn went 0-for-4 with three strikeouts, but gained revenge in the third game of the series. With New York trailing 5-1 in the bottom of the ninth, Bohn, who was now hitting hitting eighth in the order, slammed a three-run homer off my closer, Brandon League, to deliver a 6-5 win for the Yankees and earning me the aptly-named "Choker Trophy."
What's in store for the video Ian Bohn? Is he even a Yankee prospect or just a ficticious player The Show adds to its game? A Google search for the name yields 2,050,000 results in a lightning like 0.27 seconds. Hey, there he is on Facebook, a photo of him standing by a pool. Looks too skinny to hit fourth, however. But wait, there's a YouTube video of an Ian Bohn booting a 60-yard field goal; another Ian Bohn is a high-school newspaper writer, another Ian Bohn was honored in Australia for his rugby play in 1995 by the QUT Student Guild.
Another Ian Bohn runs his own business in the United Kingdom - maybe he's a spy after all as adding the word "Yankees" after Ian Bohn gives us no clues he's a real professional ballplayer.
Moving on, the Yankees' computer GM must have been hungover on draft day, as NY's lineup the first time I played them was: Edgar Renteria, SS; Ronnie Belliard, 2B; Carlos Beltran, CF; Bohn; Jorge Cantu, 1B; Garrett Anderson, DH; Jermaine Dye, RF; Alex Gordon, 3B; and Chris Snyder, C.
You don't even want to know who the starting pitcher was for this lineup that probably averaged at least 34 years old. Couple that with the fact Beltran's just returning to the real majors after rehabbing from injury and Anderson and Dye weren't even in the big leagues to start this this year, and woe could be the Yankees on my PS3.
The game itself is challenging enough that I play it on "veteran" setting, one step below the easist level. Seeing how my record against the computer is less than .500, I am not ready to go "primetime" and go online and play, basically because I'm not used to fielding and throwing. In my settings, the computer catches and throws to the correct base, unlike me.
Simply pitching, hitting and stealing bases is enough for me. Of course, I like to fill out lineups, make trades and sign free agents that blossom.
When I first got the game in the spring, I tried using the Twins as a franchise, primarily because their stunning new outdoor stadium is rendered in such fine detail. Then I tried playing a season with one of my favorite teams, the Brewers, but they were awful.
Those records were lost after I had to exchange the game, as it would freeze quite a bit, mostly on plays at third base. The new game did it a time or two, so I thought it was just a glitch with the game, but it hasn't happened in a few months.
Moving on to playing a season as the Tampa Bay Rays, I found this mode pretty cool and made some deals that helped me. During the 2010 season, I acquired third baseman Mark Reynolds and outfielder Conor Jackson from the Diamondbacks in a multiplayer deal that included my slumping third baseman, Evan Longoria. I hovered around 10 games under .500 for the season, but showed some promise for 2011 as Reynolds, Jackson, Ben Zobrist, Carl Crawford, pitchers James Shields, Matt Garza and Luke Hochevar had strong years.
A couple of mid-season callups, outfielders I had never heard of, showed enough promise to allow me to let Crawford leave for Baltimore as a free agent. But Crawford's replacement in left field was hurt fielding a ball in the top of the first inning on opening day, a harbinger of things to come.
Through my adept management skills, plus a very leaky bullpen, I somehow "led" the Rays to a 1-18 start.
One win in 19 games? What in the name of Boof Bonser was going on here?
Boof?
Bonser?
Yep, he's a real-life pitcher - one that (sort of) confounded my Texas hitters in the aforementioned first Rangers-Yankees game. What in the name of Hank Steinbrenner is going on here?
Well, even with the long baseball season, a 2-23 start won't win you too many pennants, although don't tell this season's White Sox who went on a 25-5 tear to end the All-Star break on a roll.
Not making up much ground, I eventually fast-forwarded to the end of the season but not before getting the leadoff hitter I needed (Brian Roberts) from the Orioles for Zobrist.
Starting the 2012 season, I dealt Reynolds and Jackson to the Mets for David Wright, who lasted less than a week in Tampa before heading further south to the Marlins in exchange for righthander Josh Johnson, perhaps the best MLB pitcher for real over the past 18 months.
I was playing decent ball when my PS3 freaked out and I lost all the data. Game over, dude.
Next up was my shot at doing it all, using the Rangers in franchise mode. I had the fourth overall pick in the draft, which snaked up and down in typial fantasy fashion, albeit for 75 picks. I grabbed Albert Pujols, although I found out later the 30-year-old was in the last year of a contract that pays him $16 million - I'll have to probably go up to at least $20 million a year to resign him as he's currently The Show's leading MVP for the A.L. MVP with a .342 average, 25 homers and 65 RBIs, trailing only teammate Skip Schumaker (.345 batting average) for the Triple Crown.
Despite leading the majors in hitting, my team is in last place, 12.5 games behind the Angels, but just 4.5 behind the Wild Card leader, as the Rangers are 34-41. I drafted pitchers who were having good real MLB seasons, in hopes of capitalizing on the weekly updates The Show releases. But that hasn't worked out too well.
Ubaldo Jiminez has won 17 games for the real Colorado Rockies, for me he's 7-6 with an ERA over 5. Even Josh Johnson has cooled off, dropping to 6-4 and seeing his ERA rise to 3.90 after nearing 2.05 early.
But I can't fire myself, can I? No, I have too much offense and the pitching is rounding in to shape. Of course, over the last few games injuries have shelved CF Jacoby Ellsbury (.293, four homeruns, 26 RBI's) and SS Hanley Ramirez (.310, 19, 57), who I acquired a month into the season from San Diego. The pair has combined for 35 steals and Ramirez has also belted 27 doubles overall.
So, now I have to rely on Pujols, Schumaker, Jay Bruce (.305, 14, 47), Nick Swisher (.288, 17, 42), Joey Votto (.267, 12, 34) and a group of made-up rookies led by catcher King Snyder (.371, 9, 26), outfielders Toru Matsumato (.323), Cha Seung Lee (.321) and Graham Dolan (.285, 4, 13). League (four saves) was replaced by Joaquin Benoit (eight saves) who has since yielded the closer's job to 20-year-old rookie Alphonse Mann (3-for-3 in save tries).
I am blessed with youngsters such as Mann, Matsumato (18 years old), Lee (24), Bruce (22), Dolan (21) and Snyder (22). Then there's the core group of 26-year-olds: Ramirez, Ellsbury, Jiminez, Johnson and Votto. Down on the farm are talented starting pitchers such as Mat Latos, Madison Bumgarner and Tommy Hunter.
If I get desparate, maybe I can deal for Bohn.
He's not with the Yankees anymore, getting sent down to Class AAA.
But I'll pass on Boof Bonser and his Yankee ERA that's over 6.25.
I don't need pitching that bad - yet.
